Has It Come To This?

So for quite some time various music critics have been talking about metal's resurgence, the hipster embrace of metal, blah blah. Enough, I say. If metal is all we have left of musical innovation, if there's absolutely nothing interesting happening anywhere in the myriad of scenes across the world, then it is all over. We should all just give up, buy Coldplay records, take up checkers, and/or kill ourselves. Because you see, my friends, metal is rubbish.